God Is Not Fair

Dear Lewis,

I love you more than you will ever know. I can’t imagine life without you. You and I have been apart for one day, and already I ache for you. It’s not fair.

Please don’t misunderstand me: what’s not fair is that in a few weeks I will return to you, hold you, kiss you and continue to share my life with you.

Not every parent gets to say that. And it’s not fair.

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It’s All My Fault

Dear Lewis,

Today we took you to the hospital. You haven’t been feeding well, and it’s causing your mom a lot of pain. It frustrates her, even angers her because it hurts so badly.

The doctor diagnosed you as being tongue-tied. This means your frenulum (the little piece of skin connecting the bottom of your mouth to the underside of your tongue) extends too far forward. This prevents you from moving your tongue through its full range of motion. Right now it makes breastfeeding difficult, but later in life it could affect your speech and cause you other problems. So we decided to let the doctor cut that little piece of skin.

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A Mother’s Day Reminder

Dear Lewis,

After church you and I ran some errands, ate lunch, and then we both took a nap. You’ve been asleep for an hour now, while my nap only lasted about 15 minutes. You might be wondering where your mom is. That’s why I can’t sleep.

While we’re napping, your mom is at a yoga class. Instead of being lazy like us she’s working hard to get back into shape, like she was before she got pregnant.

While lying in bed next to you I experienced something I’d never felt before. My body was totally relaxed and my mind still. Yet something in me was stirring. The best I can put it is that my heart was pulling my mind through the past year.

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