I Could Eat You Up. Really.

Dear Lewis,

I love everything about you. I love your smell, your smile, the way you sleep. I love the way you giggle when we change your poopy diaper, the way you look back at us and grin when you’re doing something you’re not supposed to, even your pouty face. Near the top of my list though is kissing you.

I love to kiss your cheeks, your forehead, your belly, your chubby thighs, and even your back because it always makes you laugh.

Conservatively, I bet I kiss you one hundred times a day. My goal is one thousand. About every tenth kiss I’m overcome with the desire to bite you. I never understood the idiom “So cute I could just eat you up” until you were born.

With your mom there’s the longing in me to be one with her. It’s deeper than sex. It’s a desire to, at times, be absorbed into her; to truly be one.

With you I’m so out of my mind with love that sometimes, if I’m not careful, I want to actually consume you.

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The Power Of Music

Dear Lewis,

Christmas is my favorite time of year. I hate the cold weather. Traveling during Christmas is a nightmare. Pumpkin and peppermint flavored beer, cocktails, coffee drinks and deserts are the worst.

It’s not the parties or the month of excused overeating I love. It’s not that I can watch It’s A Wonderful Life as many times as I want without anyone judging me. And, no, my favorite thing about this time of year isn’t all the Amazon gift cards I get from friends and family.

My favorite part of the Christmas season is the reminder of the power of music.

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What My Son Taught Me About Augustine

Dear Lewis,

Slowly, we’re getting settled into our “transition home.” For the next several months we’ll be living in grandma and grandpa’s basement. It’s really not a bad setup. Well, except for all of the accessible dangers.

For example, we used to have a door that would close off our kitchen. Now we have what a creative realtor would call an “open floor plan”, with the kitchen, dining room, living room, storage and office area all being the same room.

The problem is you’re able, and determined, to get into everything.

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Why God Is My Last Priority

Dear Lewis,

I love praying for you. I get excited imagining all God has for you, and how He might use your life for His glory.

Will you restore people’s bodies with medicine like Nani, or through massage therapy like mommy? Will you play music like Uncle Josh, or be a teacher like PaPa? I can’t wait to find out.

There are two things I can tell you about what you do with your life. The first is that God will use it to bring you closer to Him. The second, the devil will use it to lure you away from Him.

His method is simple. He’ll cause you to ask, “Is God’s approval enough?” Don’t be so quick to say, “Yes, of course.” You’ll be surprised by how much time you’re going to spend desperately seeking the approval of everyone but God.

Lewis, by now you should know what’s coming: look to Jesus and how he handled this question.

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God Loves Me? I Doubt It.

Dear Lewis,

As my son you’re bound to inherit many of my traits. I pray my love for God and my desire to create are passed on to you. I hope the thrill of the unknown captures your heart as it has mine. There’s at least one quality I hope isn’t passed along: no matter how clearly God shows His love for me, I still question Him.

DNA and genetics are hardwired into us. Our instincts are not easily altered. But Jesus says, “Behold, I am making all things new.” (Revelation 21:5)

If you’re saddled with my struggle to trust God’s love, to know what being loved really means, as always, look to Jesus’ example. Look at how he understood the love of The Father.

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The Answer To The Question: Who Are You?

Dear Lewis,

The other day I told you that opposition from the enemy always follows a true encounter with God. Ask any follower of Christ and they’ll tell you the very thing they feel God speaking over them is the very thing they find called into question.

This is exactly what Jesus experienced in the desert after his baptism; a fact that I hope you will find most comforting in your own times of questioning.

And Lewis, you will question God.

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Why Questioning God Is Normal

Dear Lewis,

I don’t know what God has planned for you. I can tell you that you’ll never be more confident in who you are than when you know what He’s called you to do with your life. On the other hand, I know you’ll never question yourself, your calling, and your God more than you will once He makes that calling clear.

Don’t worry though:

Jesus went through the same thing.

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It Just Doesn’t Fit

Dear Lewis,

Around Easter many magazines, television shows and podcasts like to discuss whether or not the stories about Jesus are true. A lot of books and very smart people have given me good reasons to believe they are. This morning I noticed something that could never, by any stretch of the imagination, be considered proof. However, it’s too interesting for me to ignore.

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The 100 Year Prayer

Dear Lewis,

The past few days have been exhausting. All I wanted to do tonight was sit on the couch with you and your mom and watch television. But your mom was far more exhausted than I’ll ever be. So when you didn’t fall asleep after feeding tonight she told me to take you so she could get some sleep. I tried to console you, but you wouldn’t stop crying and you definitely wouldn’t go to sleep. Luckily, I have a trick that, so far, always works.

The walking path from the street to our building is made of old clay bricks. Not one brick is level or flush with another. It makes for a rough ride in your stroller, and you love it. You’ve even been known to stop crying the moment we get on the bumpy path. Tonight it took forty-five minutes of walking back and forth along the same twenty-five-foot path for you to fall asleep.

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