Mommy Almost Murdered Papa At City Museum…Almost

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Dear Lewis,

Mommy almost murdered Papa today. I’d like to believe I’m using hyperbole to immediately engage you in this story. However, mothers are capable of anything when they feel their children are in danger. She searched caves, a forest, even the belly of a whale when she thought something had happened to you. Taking a life to save yours isn’t outside the realm of possibilities.

But, let me explain.

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Somehow, Love Grows

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December 23rd, 2014

Dear Lewis,

My heart is beating out of my chest. My eyes still sting. It’s nearly impossible for me to take a full breath. This isn’t panic, Lewis. This is Love. Pure Love. Overwhelming Love. It’s Love like I’ve never known. Lewis, I’m going to be a daddy again!

Today was stressful. A hundred things slowed us from getting on the road to Kansas City to spend Christmas with the family. Your mom knew I was feeling stressed so she did most of the packing and loading while I finished working. Finally, we got into the car to head out of town.

Before I put the car in drive your mom said she wanted to give me my Christmas present. She handed me an envelope. Inside was a card, which held my true present – a positive pregnancy test. Instantly, I was a sobbing mess. I kissed your mother and told her a dozen times I was so unbelievably happy. A few minutes later, composure regained, we set off on our three-and-a-half hour drive to Kansas City.

I didn’t even make it to the highway before I started crying again. I cried, off and on, all the way to Columbia, which is about half way.

Lewis, my tears were more than just the overflow of joy that comes from incredible news. They were tears of love and relief. It might sound strange to say “relief.” In fact, that may not be the best word. But it’s the most honest word.

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The Creative, Personal Love Of God

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Dear Lewis,

Give. Give with open hands. Look for ways to give. When given the opportunity – give. Give your time, give your money, give your attention, give whatever you’ve got that people want.

Your mom and I talk about money a lot. That’s because we don’t have much. We’ve struggled financially for the three years we’ve been married. But we decided, from the very beginning, we wanted to be people who give.

Lewis, this is going to sound cheesy. I assure you, if you can get passed the fact that it’s an overused phrase, and realize how true it really is, it will change your life.

You can’t out give God.

It’s impossible to out give God. You can try. With a pure heart, and a desire to love Him and love others, you can try. But you will not win.

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You’ve Been Adopted By Your Aunt & Uncle

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Dear Lewis,

I hope you love your new house in St. Louis. I spent a grand total of 20 hours in it a few weeks ago, and I loved every second of it. I can’t wait to be with you next week. You have no idea how excited I am to see you and your mom again, to hold you both, to kiss your faces, and to put you to bed so I can kiss your mom a little more…

I know you’re probably worried that I have no one here to take care of me. Rest assured, your Aunt Niki and Uncle Dago have made sure I have everything I need. They even gave me my own tube of toothpaste.

I hope you know how much they love you and miss you. Your Aunt Niki and I stood in the kitchen last night looking at pictures and watching videos of you. You may not believe me, but they have pictures of you on their walls!

You may not be blood, but I promise you, you are part of their family.

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Aunt Niki & Uncle Dago’s Wedding

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Dear Lewis,

You partied so hard at Uncle Dago and Aunt Niki’s wedding last night. You owned the dance floor. You and I kicked the party off, and then you and your mom danced; then you and Jacqueline; then you and Aunt Niki. You danced with so many people I lost track. You stayed until the end of the night, until security shut us down!

It wasn’t just last night, though. With the exception of kayaking, you were part of everything this week, including the bonfire at Bonita Cove. You partied hard all week with Aunt Niki and Uncle Dago!

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Simple, Life-Changing Love

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Dear Lewis,

You’re sitting on the floor, smiling from ear to ear, mumbling unintelligibly, and banging your fist against a plastic plate. And I couldn’t love you more than I do right now.

God must look at what I do everyday and see a fool mumbling unintelligibly, banging plastic plates. And he couldn’t love me more than he does right now.

I love you, Lewis. God loves you more.

– Dad

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Examining My Reflection

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Dear Lewis,

In the month since you were born your mom hasn’t had any time alone. So, tonight I stepped up to give her what she needed. That’s a lie. I stepped up to get what I wanted.

Tonight, for the first time, you and I went on an adventure all by our selves!

I loaded you, your diaper bag, and my iPod into the car before setting off on our journey. Normally, you fall asleep after being in the car for 10 minutes.

But not tonight.

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Daddy, Don’t Leave Me

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Dear Lewis,

When I got home from work tonight your mom was rushing out the door to a dentist appointment. You’d just eaten and had your diaper changed, so you were lying quietly, rocking in your swing, for the five minutes we talked in the living room. She left and I stood in front of your swing, talking to you about my day.

Your eyelids began to flutter, like maybe you were going to fall asleep. I whispered that I was going to get something to eat, and then I’d be right back. But, as I walked away you began to cry.

I turned around, asked you what was wrong, and immediately you stopped crying. So I stood there and kept talking. A big yawn over took your sweet little face, and you settled into the calm.

Until I tried to walk away.

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Love It To Life

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Dear Lewis,

Today is your first birthday! I can’t believe you’ve been alive for a whole year. More impressively, I can’t believe your mom and I managed to keep you alive for a whole year.

Sure, the cake, the balloons, the frog-shaped pool, it’s all in celebration of you. But, it’s also a celebration and a reminder of how God has invited us to take part in the act of creation, to be creators. It’s a reminder of why he created us, why he created the universe and everything in it.

I can’t tell you how he pulled it off. I can’t tell you where the “stuff” came from. I can only tell you what it came out of: love.

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My First Father’s Day

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Dear Lewis,

Every year, Father’s Day comes and goes without much fuss. It’s not usually a memorable holiday. But this Father’s Day is different. This Father’s Day I’m scared.

I’m scared to talk to my dad, Lewis. I don’t know what to say to your PaPa. I’m not sure I’ll be able to speak if he answers the phone. I feel so ashamed, even though I know he loves me no matter what.

It’s his love that’s the problem.

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