If You Would Just Come To Me


Dear Lewis,

Lately, you’ve been in the habit of having a great day right up until about an hour before I get home. Your mother loves you and I know she takes care of you. What I don’t know is why you become The Monster every evening around 4:30pm.

In the past we’ve been quick to comfort you when you cry. We pick you up, play with you, even give you snacks in an attempt to calm you. But, you’re 10 months old now. Maybe we should have started sooner but we decided a few days ago not to pick you up or drop whatever we’re doing every time you cry.

We’re not ignoring you. We haven’t abandoned you. We just want you to learn to come to us for the things you need.

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I’m Working On It


Dear Lewis,

I love you, very much. But your life would be so much easier if you would just trust me. I know you need to eat every few hours. I know when you need a nap. I know you need to be changed when the blue line appears on the front of your diaper, or when smells, awful smells, emanate from the back.

I don’t get mad at you for crying over these things. I tell you I love you. I tell you I know how long it’s been since your last bottle or diaper change. I tell you that if you’ll just be patient and stop crying you’ll see I’m working on it.

But you don’t. When I walk out of the living room and into the kitchen – to make your bottle – you cry harder. When I put you in your crib – to keep you safe while I wash my hands, get a diaper and find you some new clothes – you scream louder.

Those moments when it looks like I’m abandoning you, that’s when I’m closest to giving you what you need.

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Late Nights, Early Mornings


Dear Lewis,

Last night my boss sent me a text at 12:03am. Not only did the message wake me up, it asked me to come in early. I’m a hard worker, but I’m not on the clock at midnight. Still, I replied “Sure,” hoping my response would mask my frustration, and then went back to sleep.

Somewhere around 3:30am you began crying. Knowing your mom was exhausted from dealing with you by herself all day I easily persuaded her to go to bed and let me take over. I talked to you, sang to you, rocked you, and even changed your diaper. But, you just kept crying.

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The 100 Year Prayer


Dear Lewis,

The past few days have been exhausting. All I wanted to do tonight was sit on the couch with you and your mom and watch television. But your mom was far more exhausted than I’ll ever be. So when you didn’t fall asleep after feeding tonight she told me to take you so she could get some sleep. I tried to console you, but you wouldn’t stop crying and you definitely wouldn’t go to sleep. Luckily, I have a trick that, so far, always works.

The walking path from the street to our building is made of old clay bricks. Not one brick is level or flush with another. It makes for a rough ride in your stroller, and you love it. You’ve even been known to stop crying the moment we get on the bumpy path. Tonight it took forty-five minutes of walking back and forth along the same twenty-five-foot path for you to fall asleep.

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