It’s All My Fault

Dear Lewis,

Today we took you to the hospital. You haven’t been feeding well, and it’s causing your mom a lot of pain. It frustrates her, even angers her because it hurts so badly.

The doctor diagnosed you as being tongue-tied. This means your frenulum (the little piece of skin connecting the bottom of your mouth to the underside of your tongue) extends too far forward. This prevents you from moving your tongue through its full range of motion. Right now it makes breastfeeding difficult, but later in life it could affect your speech and cause you other problems. So we decided to let the doctor cut that little piece of skin.

You cried and screamed when the three doctors held you down. You wailed when the pediatrician snipped the skin. You fought, you bled, and you cried some more.

Lewis, do you know why the doctors did this to you? Because I told them to. I’m the reason you bled. I’m the reason you cried and screamed. But I was with you in that room the whole time. I never left you, never looked away. I was right there, holding your tiny hand.

So far, the most painful things you’ve gone through have been because of me. I made them happen, I willed them. But I’ve been with you through it all. I promise you, all of this is for your own good. All of this will make life better in the long run. For starters, you don’t have as great a chance of developing a lisp or other speech impediments.

Lewis, I want you to know what I’ve put you through. I want you to know it was my choice, my doing. I want you to know why.

I want you to know this because someday your Heavenly Father may put you through the wringer. He has his reasons. There’s a point to everything he lets happen, and everything he makes happen. Take comfort in knowing that through it all he will be with you, even in the scariest rooms you enter.

I love you, Lewis. God loves you far more.

– Dad

Has God allowed you to enter some “scary rooms” in your life? How did He show you He was with you through it all?

Share your story and encourage others who might be in “scary rooms” now by leaving a comment below, or by joining the conversation on Facebook.


  1. Dax   •  

    Thank you for writing these, Paul.

    • Paulie Godbout Paulie Godbout   •     Author

      Thank you for showing your support, Dax. It means a lot to me.

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