I Could Eat You Up. Really.

Dear Lewis,

I love everything about you. I love your smell, your smile, the way you sleep. I love the way you giggle when we change your poopy diaper, the way you look back at us and grin when you’re doing something you’re not supposed to, even your pouty face. Near the top of my list though is kissing you.

I love to kiss your cheeks, your forehead, your belly, your chubby thighs, and even your back because it always makes you laugh.

Conservatively, I bet I kiss you one hundred times a day. My goal is one thousand. About every tenth kiss I’m overcome with the desire to bite you. I never understood the idiom “So cute I could just eat you up” until you were born.

With your mom there’s the longing in me to be one with her. It’s deeper than sex. It’s a desire to, at times, be absorbed into her; to truly be one.

With you I’m so out of my mind with love that sometimes, if I’m not careful, I want to actually consume you.

While I’m not Catholic, my favorite philosopher, Dr. Peter Kreeft is. If there were one thing I would give anything to believe it would be that during communion the bread would truly become Jesus’ body. I’ve felt this way for a long time, but I can’t, no matter my admiration and respect level for Dr. Kreeft, bring myself to believe it.

But because of you I understand it more, I think. Your namesake, C. S. Lewis, has a few things to say that I think apply.

First, he would say, “The command, after all, was Take, eat: not Take, understand…” (from Letters to Malcom, page 104) I’ll let you come to your own conclusions about that.

Second, in his argument from desire, which you will have heard a thousand times by now, Lewis says, basically, every natural desire we have can be quenched by something in this world. We get hungry, so there is food; thirsty, so there is drink; etc. But if we find in ourselves a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy maybe that means the desire can only be quenched by something not of this world.

He, of course, is talking about joy that comes from and is God. The only time that desire is even temporarily satisfied is when God makes himself known in our lives, mostly by the moving of the Holy Spirit.

What if this desire, to eat up the most beautiful, precious things we love most is a real desire, one that can only be satisfied by God? The only way this would be possible is if He indwelled in something. Bread, maybe.

It’s ridiculous, I know. Maybe C. S. Lewis would box my ears for dragging him into this conversation. But is it any more ridiculous, does it require any more faith than believing God could be contained in a human body? I have a limited understanding of science, but humans and bread are made up of the same “stuff” at a molecular level. How different is God from man?

Yet, the infinite became finite, dwelling in the body of Christ. If your faith can take you that far is it really that much further to the bread?

I don’t know. I wish I could believe it, Lewis. If I ever do, I think you will play a role.

I love you, Lewis. So much I could eat you up.

– Dad

photo credit: bsteele via photopin cc

Do you ever hold the bread during communion and wonder the same thing?

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