God Is Not Fair

Dear Lewis,

I love you more than you will ever know. I can’t imagine life without you. You and I have been apart for one day, and already I ache for you. It’s not fair.

Please don’t misunderstand me: what’s not fair is that in a few weeks I will return to you, hold you, kiss you and continue to share my life with you.

Not every parent gets to say that. And it’s not fair.

A few days ago, a girl I grew up with, who has grown into an incredible woman of God, had a beautiful baby boy – Corey Michael Story, Jr. Corey Jr.’s mom and dad, Adrienne and Corey Sr., spent two days with their son before he passed away in his mother’s arms.

Lewis, I can’t even imagine what that must have felt like. I can’t imagine what was going through Adrienne and Corey Sr.’s minds in Corey Jr.’s final moments. I can’t imagine what I would have done, how I would have reacted if something had happened to you.

It’s times like this I want to scream at God: “You monster! That’s not fair! Why would you let this happen? Why do you let people go through this?!?!”

I’ve known several people who’ve lost their babies shortly before or shortly after they were born. Those parents have every right to scream at God, to doubt His goodness and love. If ever there were a reason to turn your back on God and denounce Him it’s times like this.

Yes, I’ve experienced heartache and pain, but nothing like this. Honestly, my life has been blessed. God has made it so easy for me to love Him and praise His name.

And it’s not fair.

It’s not fair that I still have you, or my friend Geoff has his son Lucas, or my friend James has his son and daughter, Jay and Jenna. Men like us, in spite of what hell we’ve been through, don’t know pain like Adrienne and Corey Sr.

It’s not fair, Lewis. It’s not fair.

It’s not fair that so many of us can easily call God loving; can call Him healer; can call Him protector; can call Him provider; can call God good.

I don’t know why God allows things like this to happen. But, I know it’s not because He doesn’t care. He knows what it’s like to lose a son.

Even though He knew His son’s death served a greater purpose, God still cried out in anguish. The whole earth shook in a great earthquake because of it. He ripped his earthly clothes, the Temple curtain, in anguish. I can question God on a lot of things, Lewis, but I can’t question His first-hand experience of the pain of losing a son.

Perhaps this is what Adrienne and Corey Sr. understand. Maybe this is why their Facebook pages are filled with scripture verses and videos of worship songs and a picture of Corey Jr. with the caption: “We thank God for the time we were able to spend with him!”

Whatever the reason, Adrienne and Corey Sr. are stronger than I am. I count them among my heroes because of how they’ve trusted God through their pain.

I’m sorry if this letter makes me appear weak, Lewis. It’s just that God hasn’t been fair to me. He’s kept me from knowing this kind of hellacious pain.

With all the love and respect in my heart for Adrienne and Corey Sr., and everyone else who has ever been in their shoes, my prayer for you today, Lewis, is simple:

May your life be unfair.

I love you, Lewis. God loves you more.

– Dad

Have you experienced the same kind of pain as Adrienne and Corey Sr.?

How did you/are you dealing with it?

Do you take God’s unfair love, grace and mercy for granted? Please don’t.

Share your story and encourage others by leaving a comment below, or by joining the conversation on Facebook.

Want to read more letters like this one? Check out the suggested letters below.

8 Comments

  1. Karen B.   •  

    I see people live through unimaginable stuff like this family and not lose their faith. I really hope I’m not tested in that way-I think I would fail. Good article. I’ll pray for their peace.

    • Paulie Godbout Paulie Godbout   •     Author

      Karen – I worry I would fail, too. The fact that Adrienne and Corey Sr. have kept their heads and spirits up through this makes me admire their faith, and pray God would give me their level of trust through trials.

  2. Charlotte   •  

    i have been in their shoes more than once and I can say without a doubt that God shows up in big ways when you are faced with great tragedy. There is an amazing amount of grace that God pours out on you that gives you strength when you don’t think you can stand. There are days when the grief strikes and “why” resounds in your mind and truly the prayers of loved ones help to uphold you through it all. I don’t know Adrienne or Cory Sr. but I have been praying for them. I’m confident that God’s love and grace will envelope them as it has me.

  3. Matt   •  

    Paul,
    I just got around to reading this. Amazing words, friend. So sorry to hear about the Story’s pain.
    I pray that we would all come to know the redemption that can only be found on the Cross.

  4. James   •  

    I haven’t been through the loss of a child but I have experienced loss… suffering. Suffering does uproot everything you believe. It makes you sick of one sentence sermons and upbeat almost-scriptures you found on magnets and bumper stickers in the 70’s-80’s (occasionally) and on every social media site every single day here in the 10’s. You find that God is good… but not as we understand it. He is just… but in the (very) big picture. He also is omni-faceted if that makes sense. Every time you think you know him, he doesn’t change… he just shows a different facet of who he is. I will likely never see them all, but I have seen more than some… and not all of them are fun. That’s because even though we teach it in Sunday School to children, we don’t really believe it ourselves: When we pray God ALWAYS answers. Sometimes he says “Yes” sometimes “No” and sometimes “Wait”. We skip right over the God that says No. And anyone who’s suffered knows that God says it. The Story family know it. But what I have found is that there was a time long ago when he said YES and I found it in (of all places) John 3:16. God loves me. So much that he gave his best the best he had so that I could have eternal life. That doesn’t change. It’s constant no matter what becomes of us. So how can I know that God loves the Storys even though their baby died? He proved it 2000 years ago and no matter what comes along… it doesn’t effect that.

  5. Sarah   •  

    To see God in the midst of a situation like this is truly a blessing. I have been through stillbirth, miscarriage, and most recently (last year), the loss of my 6 year old daughter who had multiple medical issues. I don’t believe God ever abandoned us while we were going through her life filled with surgeries, hospital stays, worsening health, and eventual return to the Father. I don’t know the answers to the “whys”, and I may never know – but I’ve also learned to trust in God and to lean on Him in all circumstances.

    • Paulie Godbout Paulie Godbout   •     Author

      Sarah – I’m blown away and encouraged by people like you and the Story family. I’m sure you’ve had your moments of anger and questioning of God, but to move forward in life with this attitude and the strength to encourage others – you are amazing.

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