I love you more than you will ever know. I can’t imagine life without you. You and I have been apart for one day, and already I ache for you. It’s not fair.
Please don’t misunderstand me: what’s not fair is that in a few weeks I will return to you, hold you, kiss you and continue to share my life with you.
Not every parent gets to say that. And it’s not fair.
A few days ago, a girl I grew up with, who has grown into an incredible woman of God, had a beautiful baby boy – Corey Michael Story, Jr. Corey Jr.’s mom and dad, Adrienne and Corey Sr., spent two days with their son before he passed away in his mother’s arms.
Lewis, I can’t even imagine what that must have felt like. I can’t imagine what was going through Adrienne and Corey Sr.’s minds in Corey Jr.’s final moments. I can’t imagine what I would have done, how I would have reacted if something had happened to you.
It’s times like this I want to scream at God: “You monster! That’s not fair! Why would you let this happen? Why do you let people go through this?!?!”
I’ve known several people who’ve lost their babies shortly before or shortly after they were born. Those parents have every right to scream at God, to doubt His goodness and love. If ever there were a reason to turn your back on God and denounce Him it’s times like this.
Yes, I’ve experienced heartache and pain, but nothing like this. Honestly, my life has been blessed. God has made it so easy for me to love Him and praise His name.
And it’s not fair.
It’s not fair that I still have you, or my friend Geoff has his son Lucas, or my friend James has his son and daughter, Jay and Jenna. Men like us, in spite of what hell we’ve been through, don’t know pain like Adrienne and Corey Sr.
It’s not fair, Lewis. It’s not fair.
It’s not fair that so many of us can easily call God loving; can call Him healer; can call Him protector; can call Him provider; can call God good.
I don’t know why God allows things like this to happen. But, I know it’s not because He doesn’t care. He knows what it’s like to lose a son.
Even though He knew His son’s death served a greater purpose, God still cried out in anguish. The whole earth shook in a great earthquake because of it. He ripped his earthly clothes, the Temple curtain, in anguish. I can question God on a lot of things, Lewis, but I can’t question His first-hand experience of the pain of losing a son.
Perhaps this is what Adrienne and Corey Sr. understand. Maybe this is why their Facebook pages are filled with scripture verses and videos of worship songs and a picture of Corey Jr. with the caption: “We thank God for the time we were able to spend with him!”
Whatever the reason, Adrienne and Corey Sr. are stronger than I am. I count them among my heroes because of how they’ve trusted God through their pain.
I’m sorry if this letter makes me appear weak, Lewis. It’s just that God hasn’t been fair to me. He’s kept me from knowing this kind of hellacious pain.
With all the love and respect in my heart for Adrienne and Corey Sr., and everyone else who has ever been in their shoes, my prayer for you today, Lewis, is simple:
May your life be unfair.
I love you, Lewis. God loves you more.
Have you experienced the same kind of pain as Adrienne and Corey Sr.?
How did you/are you dealing with it?
Do you take God’s unfair love, grace and mercy for granted? Please don’t.
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